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A poem written by an Incarcerated Woman

Be still and know that I am God.

For in the beginning was the Word

And the Word was God.

But I found that odd.

cause in my beginning there was no Word

and there was no God.

There was only a young mom and dad

wth a bright future to be had.

Add two girls, one big and one little,

all until trouble had to get in the middle.

A family ripped apart,

A tragic death to blame.

My first broken heart

was the only thing to claim.

Father to the Fatherless

so you say

like hope to the hopeless

if I may

My world turned upside down,

always feeling like I would drown.

Feeling abandoned and forgotten

like I had done something rotten

only to again to have my life shaken

when I had my innocence taken.

I was too young to understand

that this wasn’t done at God’s hand.

No longer left with any contentment

Only filled with raging resentment.

So as I continued to grow

He told me to trust and know.

But having a heart turned to stones

left me in the valley of dry bones.

Always the problem child

And that’s putting it mild.

Constantly being labeled

my wrongs always fabled.

I put myself in bad positions

and made all the wrong decisions.

But instead of using them as a lesson

I gave way to even deeper depression.

So while in the background, He said be still

I wanted nothing to do with His will

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Looking for love in all the wrong faces.

Still trying to fill all of my empty spaces.

Not realizing I was running all the wrong races.

Not knowing I was covered in all of God’s graces.

He says, “Be still my daughter”

For I will never falter

Saying He’ll never leave nor forsake

But I could’ve sworn it was all fake.

I didn’t know how to be still

So instead I took a pill

all while trying to fill

the broken pieces of my life

that always seemed so riddled with strife.

Now all of my hope turned to dope

and soon dope became my hope

Beat down and battered

Nothing else mattered

So I sold my soul for another fix,

even had to turn some tricks

just so I wouldn’t be dopeless.

Trouble kept finding me

Until I was no longer free.

Looking at these bare white walls

Repaying all of my countless falls

Not knowing the one who could change it all

Angry at the one on whom I could call.

But then I heard it,

So clear and distinct.

The Holy Spirit,

not my own instinct

“Be still and know that I am God.”

And this time I knew it wasn’t a fraud.

So when I heard His still small voice,

I knew I had to make my choice

Continue to live in the darkness of sin

or follow the one who came and came to win.

Exchanging what is factual

for the Supernatural

Because all you really need

Is faith of a mustard seed.

I’ve acquired more bumps and bruises along the way

But it’s all been so I can stand here and say

My Lord and Savior is ever so real

All you have to do is accept the deal.

Now I can’t say that I’ve done it all right.

Everyday I still need His insight.

But how I can trust in what I’ve heard

Believe all of the promises of the Word.

I can be the house up on the hill.

If at first I can just be still.

Ashleigh John~2018


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